Wow, I can’t believe it’s only been nine days since my last update…so much has happened since then. I started work last Monday, and I love my job. Somehow the days don’t drag at all, even though I work nine hour shifts every week day. It’s such a relief to have a full-time job where I work the same hours every day, and don’t have to worry about what my schedule will look like in the coming weeks, as it was at Borders and Silbermann’s. It’s hard to believe camp only lasts for seven weeks…hopefully it won’t go by too quickly, because I’m having a great time with the kids and the other councellors. It doesn’t feel like work at all.

Last Saturday Nathan came home from Las Vegas, and we decided to date each other exclusively. Since that time things moved so quickly; the following week was insane with work and staying up so late to see each other, but every single day I showed up to work exhausted, running on only four or five hours of sleep, was entirely worth it.

Last night we all went to see A Hard Day’s Night projected onto the front of the Rafael theatre downtown, and afterwards went to the water park in Terra Linda to look at stars and bats. Nathan drove me home, and in the parking lot of the school, as I struggled to find the words or courage to say how I felt, he told me he loved me. We agree that being in love is the scariest right now, but it still feels incredible – hearing him say it sends a thrill of love and fear through me that starts at the tops of my ears and ends in my knees. Somehow, “I’m in love” feels so foreign to say (perhaps because of what happened in my last relationship, or because things with Nathan happened so quickly) but am I ever. I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m reeling, I’m in love.

Hello you lot –

This past week has dragged by so much; Nathan left last Thursday for Las Vegas to celebrate his birthday with his brother and some friends, and I’ve been going out of my brains! As we said when he left, it’s only a week, but it’s also a WEEK, a full week! It was the worst time for a week apart – in this sparkly beginning, but he’s coming back tomorrow night! Even though I have work in the morning, and the Italian Street Painting Festival tomorrow afternoon, I can already tell it’s going to be the longest day.

Hello souls! I do apologize for the radio silence; school ended two weeks ago, and since then I’ve been enjoying a few weeks of freedom before work starts. Finals went over real well, and I ended up with an A in Spanish and a B+ in Chaucer, which was marginally annoying, but I’ve let it go.

Friends are home for the summer, and the days have been lovely, easy, and long – it’s all been very ‘summer’. Sleeping in, reading in bed, going out, staying up late. I’ve been enjoying the free time, but honestly, I’m really looking forward to starting work next week. I miss feeling busy.

In OTHER news! dating someone. His name is Nathan and he is amazing. He’s been Max’s best friend since childhood. He loves hockey, bad television, movies, my dog, and oh my god he makes me laugh more than any person I’ve ever met. I feel completely myself around him, which is really freeing feeling. We aren’t really even in a relationship yet – just dating and taking things slow.  But I think “yet” is the key word, and I am very much in that sparkly beginning-of-a-relationship place, and it’s exciting and new, and wowzers am I absolutely goofy over this guy. I’ve been nothing but one big grin for days and days!

Today felt like the first really hot day. That first miserable taste of summer, when all starry-eyed dreams of a cool-breeze-sparkling-sunshine-green-grass-crisp-shades-filled-summer go flying out the window into the oppressive heat (people in the Midwest/on the East Coast/closer to the equator are laughing right now at my use of the word oppressive, and I don’t deny, it isn’t as hot as some places, but it’s…pretty awful still. for us, I mean).

It is midnight now but it feels like 3am. It was too hot in the house to do homework, too hot to leave (this would involve going outside and getting into a sunbaked car). Too hot to do anything but sit still and hope that by doing so one could ignore the heat. I have a wicked bad headache now, and it’s pressing against my eyes like tears do when you’re aching and sad and tired…I sat on my couch for two hours watching television with one eye sort of on my facebook chat window, waiting to see if he would sign on, knowing that if he did, I would be too anxious/nervous to talk to him at all.

I want to see him, but I don’t know how to ask/I’m afraid of rejection. I was almost extremely spontaneous earlier…sitting out on the steps of my porch in this gorgeous night air, I stared at his contact page in my phone for several minutes, and almost called him to ask him if he wanted to come take a walk with me, but nerves prevailed in the end. Imagining in my mind how it might happen is so much safer than actually calling him up and putting myself out there, but it’s also way more sad and depressing. This is how cat ladies are made, I’m sure.

I kept using the excuse of school to not call him, and then it turned into, “well once finals are over…”, but that is literally days away, and I have no idea about the politics of calling someone out of the blue and saying something blithe and alluring that screams I Think About You Casually…not I Think About You All The Time. Because, you know..that would be creepy.

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Hello, souls! I hope you all had a nice weekend, and did lovely things for your mums, even if you’re far away. On Saturday evening, Paul and I went with our mother to a little in-house concert of Spanish singing by one of her friends. It was in this gorgeous palatial house in Walnut Creek, and there was wine, delicious fruit and little Mexican pastries, and really beautiful music, some of which I could even understand a little!

Saturday night I stayed up really late painting cards and signs, and making little bouquets with flowers from the garden to put around the house, so when my mum would wake up the next day she’d know we were thinking of her. It’s the type of thing she does on birthdays and such, and it’s so lovely to wake up to a house that’s been decorated especially for you – I really wanted her to experience that too. On Sunday we all had breakfast together, and went to the movies. My dad even came, which was the nicest…it’s been a long time since we’ve done anything as a family like that. After the movie we went home and took naps, and later that night we had $1 handrolls at King of the Road/Roll. It was delicious.

Today was the first day of the last week of the semester. It feels the hardest to motivate myself to go to class when the end is so near to my sights, but at least my Chaucer class ended last week. I haven’t completed my final (or, honestly, even started on it), but it won’t take me very long, and I’m more worried about my Spanish final. My teacher just emailed saying that she’s decided to revise the exam so that, rather than being comprehensive, it will be focused mainly on the chapter we’re currently working on, as well as some fundamentals from early on. It’s a relief to know that there isn’t as much work to be done, but it’s still daunting. I haven’t kept up with verb memorization, and while it doesn’t matter as much since the final isn’t comprehensive, it really will hurt me if I want to continue.

In other, lovelier news, I spent this evening planning out my course choices to complete my major in Art, which is now *official*…that is to say I finally got the signatures I needed, and the paperwork has all gone through. I was an Art major when I enrolled in SF State in 2005 and I’ve changed my mind several times since then, but now that I’m back I feel as though I’m where I was supposed to be all along. Even back in Freshman year I knew I wanted to study’s how I applied to Cornish, as a Photo student, but somewhere along the way I got bogged down in thinking that there were more noble things to be studied, that Art was pretentious/easy/not respectable. I don’t know if I ever really believed those things, but in any case, I don’t now.

I’m so looking forward to getting started next semester on what I’m sure will turn out to be agonizing and hard and taxing, but it feels wonderful to realize that for the first time ever in my life I’ll be devoting all of my time and energy to making art, something I’ve always ALWAYS put on the back burner. I don’t think I’m vain in saying I believe in my own talent, and I’m so excited to see where that goes with instruction and formal training.

And that’s it! I’ve written loads more than I intended, but I think I’m getting back into the swing of updating, and it feels nice. I really ought to get to sleep – coming soon: a post about typewriters from my typewriter!

Good night you lot. Be good.

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